Witty fb status

Quitting Facebook is the new adult version of running away from home. Thanks for the birthday wishes from everyone who noticed my name today in the upper right corner of your Facebook page.

Want to delight your social media friends? Borrow from this list of funny quotes and sayings for Facebook status, and enjoy some great laughs yourself! Yes, you can use these for Instagram posts and stories too. Social media platforms reward engagement with engagement. There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.

Witty fb status

Submit a Status Message. Sort: Recent Oldest Rating. Search Messages:. Most Recent. You lose undercover haters. Real friends can never be lost. The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have now started asking humans to prove they are not a robot. We really missed the mark with that one. Could be cuddled up with a bear right about now, but whatever. I put wake up and drink coffee on mine. The ghosts from A Christmas Carol are the scariest, because they show you what people are saying about you behind your back. That must really suck. There you will find magic and possibility… and maybe even cookies. Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep screwing me. Trillion-dollar propaganda machine vs.

Some people need to realize that Facebook is a social network, not a diary.

Daily Silly Status has scoured the internet for the most witty statuses, silly statuses and down right funny statuses. We are pleased to now share our findings with you our Daily Silly Status readers. Enjoy our growing collection of over 25, silly statuses and share them with your friends and family and help bring a smile, chuckle or laugh others. Remember to check in for daily updates. Daily Silly Status is your home to over 25, silly facebook statuses! Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff.

Discover 45 hilarious Facebook status ideas for maximum laughs with these tips and tricks. Keep your friends entertained and engaged with these witty and funny status updates. Laugh out loud and boost your social media game! Many of the links in this article redirect to a specific reviewed product. Your purchase of these products through affiliate links helps to generate commission for Techsplurge. Learn more.

Witty fb status

Quitting Facebook is the new adult version of running away from home. Thanks for the birthday wishes from everyone who noticed my name today in the upper right corner of your Facebook page. The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one. Except that Waldo is looking for a job, too. A train station is where the train stops.

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You must have heard from your parents that they used humor as a tool to keep themselves different from anyone else and make the situation hilarious with funny jokes. You think I'm not online. What password does Forrest Gump use for his Facebook account? Thanks for the birthday wishes from everyone who noticed my name today in the upper right corner of your Facebook page. Deal with it. Your email address will not be published. Can everyone please send cute photos of your credit cards front and back? Love Mary-J. Or message us directly with Facebook Messenger. The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person who ticked you off. I was complimented on my driving today. A big shout out to those wonderful looking women who date broke and unattractive men.

In this article we will share not only examples of funny Facebook status updates, but also tips on how you can write your own. So here are some funny Facebook status update ideas that you can borrow for your own account, from funny one liners to funny jokes to funny Facebook status updates about life. Of course!

But I can stop anytime! On my desk, I have a work station…. Fart when people hug you. Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake. Doncha hate it when someone tags you in a photo you look horrible in because they look so good? Sick of social yet? Lance Armstrong's Books You Can Read Next. Walnut: I look like a brain!! There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer. Or do both and marry today. Behind every great woman, is a guy looking at her ass. That awkward moment when one kid in PE class always thinks it's the darn Olympics. I hope I die doing what I love: checking my Facebook notifications while driving. One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children.