My boyfriend has a crush on someone else

In this life, only two things are certain. While they might be more likely to sprout up during a lull or a rough patch with your partner, they can strike at any time. Maybe there's a cute barista at the coffee place down the street, or my boyfriend has a crush on someone else sexy new person in your friend circle, and you find yourself looking forward to your future interactions with them a liiiiiittle too much, and bask in the rush from their attention for hours afterwards. It might feel special, but it's incredibly normal.

Most of us go through it and never tell a soul. We might joke about our fascination with a friend or go a little out of our way to feel confident when our target is near — brushing on mascara though we typically go bare-lashed, opting for a push-up instead of a boob-squashing bralette. Crushes are powerful things — just ask every teenager ever — and when we experience that power, we have a couple of options. Phillips, author of the thorough, daring, and fascinating book Unrequited: Women and Romantic Obsession , has to say on the matter. Phillips offers an example: Say you had an erratic, unpredictable father, so you marry someone hyper-stable and together. If you start crushing on this guy, it might be because you have unfinished business with your father. Your intellect may know better, but the psyche wants what it wants.

My boyfriend has a crush on someone else

I have been with my partner for a couple of years now, and he has several high school friends who visited from out of state recently who I got to finally meet. His best friend has a sister who lives in our area, who met up with us as well for lunch and came with his whole crew and us to the bar afterwards. I was sitting between him and her at lunch, and the vibe got really flirty between them. He got sort of giggly and lit up while talking to her, asking her questions about her life, just seeming way too interested. On the way to the bar he and I rode together. I tried to ask him about it and he insisted he had not flirted with her and we got in a pretty big fight on the way to the bar. So it was tense between us for the rest of the outing which was several hours. The same vibe came up with the two of them at the bar, he seemed very interested in talking to her and not to me. I again brought up the flirty behavior between him and her about a week later, and finally got it out of him-he admitted that he has had a crush on her since high school, that she gives him butterflies, and that they made out one time a few years back but that he never went any further with her. Ever since this incident, I feel betrayed that he never told me about her. He then did some weird privacy setting changes such as hiding his friends list that was previously visible. Is it wrong of me to be so hurt by this?

HuffPost Personal. While your boyfriend sounds like he can be romantic, he is also closed off and defensive.

What is within your control is how you handle the crush. Do you obsess over it, or do you just acknowledge it and then carry on with your life? Note that in this piece, we are focusing on couples in monogamous, exclusive relationships. In open or polyamorous arrangements , the rules may differ; acting on crushes may be permissible or even encouraged. It may have more to do with you and your family or relationship history than it does with the person. A crush that starts innocently enough might begin to cross the line into emotional affair territory if left unchecked. One telltale sign: When you get news, good or bad, is your first instinct to tell your crush or your partner?

We can help you with pressing concerns that are affecting your relationships - with a partner, a child, a family member or friend. Relate has local Centres across the UK. The services each centre provides vary because each centre tailors their services - such as couples counselling, sex therapy and counselling for children and young people - to the needs of their local community. If you live in Scotland, please contact our sister organisation Relationships Scotland at www. If this is how you feel right now, try not to worry. This is far more common situation than most people realise. We tend to think of crushes as different because they usually involve imagining what it would be like to be in a relationship with this person. They go a level deeper — from the physical to the emotional.

My boyfriend has a crush on someone else

What is within your control is how you handle the crush. Do you obsess over it, or do you just acknowledge it and then carry on with your life? Note that in this piece, we are focusing on couples in monogamous, exclusive relationships. In open or polyamorous arrangements , the rules may differ; acting on crushes may be permissible or even encouraged. It may have more to do with you and your family or relationship history than it does with the person. A crush that starts innocently enough might begin to cross the line into emotional affair territory if left unchecked.

Queerty

Westend61 via Getty Images. Whiten and go here for other clinicians in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health. Are there partners who totally get it and know that crushes are normal? Carve out some time to sit down and be honest with yourself about what this crush is all about. When I have a crush, I tend to tack on an extra four sit-ups to my ab routine, I dress nicer, and actually do my hair. Before You Go. Simply having a crush on another person—fantasizing about dating them, fucking them, and conveniently forgetting to fantasize about how they leave dirty clothes everywhere and have an annoying best friend—is safe and healthy and horny. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone. The point of the crush is to enjoy it while it lasts. One telltale sign: When you get news, good or bad, is your first instinct to tell your crush or your partner? Our experts insist there is no black-and-white answer here. You probably know whether your partner finds it threatening or not to hear about your inner world and past relationships.

Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation

On the way to the bar he and I rode together. He got sort of giggly and lit up while talking to her, asking her questions about her life, just seeming way too interested. When I have a crush, I tend to tack on an extra four sit-ups to my ab routine, I dress nicer, and actually do my hair. Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Or alleviate your guilt. The bottom line, Phillips says, is that crushers need to go easy on themselves. Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The same vibe came up with the two of them at the bar, he seemed very interested in talking to her and not to me. Long term relationships are hard enough without adding into the mix a lifelong unrequited crush on someone you continue to see socially. About The Dr. It really depends on you, your partner and the kind of relationship you have. Your intellect may know better, but the psyche wants what it wants. Enjoy it.